Thank you so much Zoe for giving up your pre-planned night to keep me well entertained and laughing all night long. In true birthday weekend tradition you jam packed so many memories into one night, you are the worlds BEST best friend!! Never a dull moment Saturday night bringing in our 25th's. From the possessed candles which had the fire brigade going off to the click of the camera every time I came out of the loo. So glad I said yes (not that you would take no for an answer) to once again celebrating in style with you xoxo Love your guts out princess!
Monday, 29 July 2013
Friday, 26 July 2013
Yesterday the girls of the City West Church came together for Grace Group.
As soon as we walked through the door we all became royalty.
We served each other to beautify ourselves.
Hair, make-up, nails, crowns, jewels.. you name it, it was there!
We were told to come wearing foundation and to bring a night gown.
Silly me, having no idea, brought a nightie.
But luckily, Penny had my back bringing an orange dress for me to wear.
She's good like that!
The end result was amazing..
So blessed to be in the presents of royalty.
Thanks for a lovely day ladies.
Love you all.
Tuesday, 23 July 2013
After my husband left me last year I was overwhelmed with responsibility. Our daughter Nevaeh, three at the time was displaying signs of frustration and was acting out her emotions quite severely. She needed constant supervision and stimulation which at the time I didn't have the energy to do. Jiedyn on the other hand, was angry after being shunned from the only father he had ever known and was bottling his anger until recently speaking in a hateful way to me, swearing and feeling the point of wanting to run away. I was lost. Both of my children needed me at the same time for completely different behaviors and all I was focused on was rebuilding my marriage.
I called Family Services for help soon after the break up. I knew I wasn't coping and needed support on what to do to give my children what they needed. I was then introduced to a community worker who asked about what I wanted out of their services. I had all the answers. I needed my son to have a father figure, a man to look up to. I needed help with parenting Nevaeh, ways to stimulate her and keep her occupied while I did the housekeeping etc. I needed confidence, not counselling. I needed to regain control.
The service was great, over the next few months they really met my needs. Jie was enrolled in karate and was seeing his father again. Nevaeh was in childcare and I was part taking in a cooking class all thanks to the lovely ladies at Centrecare. I was inspired to start eating healthy at home and I could see the kids both getting their needs. But there was still one massive problem. I was still not in control at home. Nevaeh was running all over me, Jie was frustrated because I wasn't getting much time with him and I was fresh out of ideas on how to make it all work.
But worst of all, I was told that my support had now achieved all the requirements I'd asked for and was now looking at closing my case.
I was stressed and overwhelmed.
For a whole week I was unmotivated, depressed, overwhelmed, out of control, uninspired.
Nevaeh took advantage of the situation and ran all over me. She is smart like that. Everything was such an effort. I had a picture in my mind of how I wanted my children to behave and my house to be run but I had already made up my mind that without a father I couldn't do this on my own. I always thought that I had to have the answer, if I didn't know it, I googled it.. If I couldn't meet my children's needs, I had to put more effort into it, if I still couldn't control it, it was Matt's fault for leaving and I made sure he knew.
It wasn't getting me anywhere. The following week, my two community workers sat me down to let me know that they were closing the case. That day Nevaeh was meant to go to her Dad's but he hadn't picked her up. It was the fourth time in a row that he hadn't had her when he was meant to and so Nevaeh wasn't happy. She was whingy and wanty and wanted all my attention all of the time. A few things happened that day like Nevaeh snatching my purse for a ride on a car machine, like Nevaeh pestering another mum for lollies, like Nevaeh refusing to come to me earning smacks and like Nevaeh throwing a tantrum because she lost a reward I had promised her to encourage good behavior. This is all in a few hours of motherhood. As we were leaving, nevaeh threw a tantrum over the loss of her reward. So seeking good behavior once again I gave her another opportunity to earn her reward back. It worked and so she was happily by my side, we went home and she went on to earn her reward before Jie got home from school.
Two days later, the community workers called an emergency meeting. I thought it was to close the case but instead they came three hours later to tell me that I had it all wrong. "We'll get strait to the point with you. We wont be shutting your case as we feel that you still need our support on a couple of issues that happened on Tuesday. We believe that if you hadn't of taken your purse away from her she would have stolen money from you" and "We also believe that Nevaeh would have followed that lady home with those lollies had she not asked her where her mum was and that is a great concern for us". They also went on to tell me that they think it would be inappropriate to smack my kids and that by rewarding her I'm giving her what she wants.
I was bawling. I was then asked after shrugging off a few other questions if I was depressed.. I mean, after people coming into your home, judging the hell out of your parenting, asking if they could come maybe twice a week instead of once a week or once a fortnight how did they expect me to respond? I was angry.
After offloading their judgments, they asked me what I'd like out of this. I asked for parenting courses or something that will give me the strategies I need to raise my kids well. You know, since I was doing it all wrong.. After that, they said that they would refer me to some lady who professionalizes in this area and so they left. I bawled and bawled. They cast judgement and pretty much left me to it.
For the first time in my whole life I felt like I didn't want to be a mum. I felt like if I have it all wrong well then maybe I'm not whats best for my children. I wanted to scream or talk to someone but the one support I had just told me I was useless.
I sms'd a few friends for prayer. For god to take control of the situation and lead me in every area in parenting and homemaking. After the kids went to bed that night I grabbed all the parenting books I own and just read until I could read no more. I wanted change. I wanted control. Every book had different strategies and it all just had me confused.
The weekend soon filled with people wanting to support me. A friend invited me for a movie night slumber Friday night, Jie had karate Saturday morning, we were scheduled to see his dad but he didn't show up so we had lunch then went out with my brother and sister in law to look at a few houses on the market before spending the rest of the afternoon at a tupperware party. I spent around half an hour at home of my whole weekend. No time to cry.
Church on Sunday was amazing and spoke right to my heart. It was a turning point for me. I realized that I don't have to have it all together all the time. I don't have to worry that my kids don't have their needs because God is in control. God will provide them with all their needs. I not have to worry. That just because the rest of my family are generations of unbelievers and are and were cursed, that I am a new creation and can live in an abundance of His love and righteousness. That I can lead the next generation to him and start a whole new generation directed to God. Initially that felt like so much pressure, but trust and faith will direct the to Him and our heavenly father will guide me. I know that now. I need not be afraid because he promised to never leave me.
So who is ready for my life changing miracle? Who is ready to be see god in action?
So, everyone on the prayer chain at church have been praying for God to direct me with parenting. I was lost and was also seeking Him. Last night I prayed desperately for him to show me how I should parent. What He wants me to do and how he wants me to do it..
Long story short, a friend downloaded a sermon on parenting she had on her phone on Saturday night. At lunch time yesterday I sat down while eating my lunch to listen to it. I got about half way before my attention was directed away with Nevaeh wanting to play with lego. So I paused it and saved it for later.
After the kids went to bed I pressed play again and was blown away at this guy speaking of the lords prayer. (Matthew 6:10). He was saying that as Christians that should be our vision. As mothers that should be our vision and that anything does not look like heaven then we should know better than to do it. Pastor Mark said something similar at church on Sunday about not wanting to rely on medication to heal his hurting daughter but on God alone. There is no medication in heaven. So it that is my vision, why am I smacking my kids? Why am I naming and shaming their sin? Heaven is sinless. Why am I getting angry? I don't have to be in control. God is. The strategy is to give them choices..
Garden of Eden.
Adam and eve.
One wrong choice.
A zillion good choices.
World of today
Millions of people.
A zillion bad choices.
A few good choices.
So the point of that example is that you need to prepare your children for the world. Kids should be free to make whatever choice they want. That is how we live here on earth. Wise or foolish. Those choices come with consequences and hopefully they are quick learners. But there is no one threatening to hurt them or to say that it is their job to make them make good choices. I don't control them. They always have at least two choices. Freedom is the ability to tell yourself what to do. And you'll obey you. If you don't have the ability to control yourself you feel out of control and being controlled causes so many issues in a relationship. God doesn't force us to anything. We're always given choices. When parenting we cant force our kids to be righteous only lead by example as Jesus did. I asked God to show me how to parent my beautiful children and I believe with all my heart that his answer was "Matthew 6:10b, as it is in heaven"
I contacted Jiedyn's father (real father) to maybe provide some of that fathering and want that was missing from his life. Although he is a drug addict and was undeserving of the hours with Jiedyn, I sat down with this man and layed it out for him. He is his father. I didn't care what he does in his spare time, I dont care who he sees and what drugs he takes as long as for three hours a fortnight he was clean enough to spend some quality time with our son who needed to feel loved. I know his father loves him. All parents love their kids and no drug can ever take that love away. His father made a brilliant effort to be there for him. They started really bonding. I loved seeing that. Until his father (wanting to be with me) starting Jiedyn questions about his 'other' Dad. My husband. What may have been innocent questions like "Does Matt stay at your house?" and "Is Matt nasty to you?" it seemed to have really fractured the way Jie looks at his Dad. Jie loves Matt and he loves his real dad, so now there was this pressure on him to love one more than the other. And whats more is that his father asked him not to tell me what he said and encouraged him to lie to me. I could see that day that Jie was uncomfortable. He has never been put in a position to ever lie to his mother. It ate at him until he eventually saw that the reward for his lies his father promised was no longer enough to keep secrets from me. And although I knew something was up, I allowed him to tell me when he was ready. And was quite proud when he did.
Isn't it funny how one lie can turn into a web of lies after the fact. Once children are taught something, they then run with it. That day his father taught him to be deceitful. Then a week later, Jiedyn stole $100 out of my purse. I automatically assumed it was Nevaeh as she was home with me all that day but after 10 minutes of her quite willfully telling me she didnt touch it I had to assume she was telling the truth. I walked into Jies room, opened his Richmond lunchbox where he kept a lot of his precious treasures and there they were, two shiny $50 notes. I was so angry. I sat on the couch thinking of how best to punish him after school. It was lucky he wasn't home because I would have smacked him for stealing. Instead I saw past the what and concentrated on the 'why'. And came back to his father teaching him to be deceitful. That was it. It wasn't Jie, it was what he was taught. After Jie got off the bus that afternoon we went out for afternoon tea. (Yes, I took my son out after he stole from me). I allowed him to open up as we walked to a cafe. He looked guilty as I pulled a $50 note out to pay for our sweets. We sat down and I got straight to the point. "Jiedyn, I know you took Mums money out of her purse, why did you do that" I said. He shrugged. "Is it okay to take things without permission?" I asked. "No Mum" he mumbled. "It's stealing" I confessed. "If people steal in Australia there is a possibility of them being put in jail, It is against the law. Did you know that Jie?" Jie looked down, thn back at me "No Mum." I looked at him and said directly to him "If you ever steal from me again I will take you to the police station. It is not a house rule, It is the rules of Australia. The reason we have police. Do you understand?" Jie was quick to say "Yes!". He got the message loud and clear. I told him about how I thought it was Nevaeh and how I was really disappointed to find it in his room. I then explained that I dont want to be a theif. Having to tell friends and church to hold their bags and purses close as my son may steal from them. He was quiet and looked worried. As we got up to leave I told him I loved him, and to my suprise he said "I am really so sorry for taking your money Mum, I promise I will never do it again". And in that moment I was reunited with my honest son.
Sometimes it's not about the 'what'.. It's about the 'why' - Remember that..
Sometimes it's not about the 'what'.. It's about the 'why' - Remember that..
Thursday, 18 July 2013
|Click on the replied section of the post or if your already in the post skip this step and scroll to the bottom of the page your currently viewing.|
|Under the comment box, select 'Name/URL'.|
|Add your name and if you have a facebook/twitter URL you can add that too. If not leave it blank. Then click continue.|
|Now write your comment and click Publish.|
Written by Mel Of Bacchus Published on Thursday, July 18, 2013
Sunday, 14 July 2013
On the 13th of July, indigenous people of Bacchus Marsh and surrounding areas come together to take part in the Naidoc week celebrations in our amazing community. Asked by Cr Tonia Dudzik a few weeks before the national event to raise the Torres Strait Islander flag I was both nervous and excited to do so. Being the only Torres Straight Islander within Bacchus Marsh, and residing here for the past eight years, I looked forward to finally having my peoples flag flown in my home town. A town of which both of my children were born and where I was married. Seeing the flag on the flag pole that day and having my children and I under it meant everything to me. Indigenous to Australia but never recognized, I am proud to call Bacchus Marsh, Australia home and to be raising my children in a community I love.
Our community put on a great event with craft tables for the littlies, a jumping castle for the middlies and didgeridoo fun for the older children. The guys of the Bacchus Marsh Lions Club did a sensational job putting on a free sausage sizzle and warming our bellies with free hot and cold beverages all event long so a big thank you to them. Also want to show my appreciation to Aboriginal artist Jayden Lillyst for the entertainment he provided for us that July day. He opened up with a Christine Anu [reggae style] version of "My island home" and finished with a few requested songs both of his own and iconic to Australia.
All in all, Bacchus Marsh Naidoc Celebrations was an amazing event.
Hopefully the community can get behind us when we get together again next year.
Thank you to all involved and the Moorabool Shire Council for making this event everything it was.
Monday, 8 July 2013
Walking out of home with her bag on her back, Nevaeh was extremely excited and a tad bit nervous to be going to check out her new kindergarten.
Waiting for the taxi Nevaeh told me she had pains in her tummy. I could tell she was nervous. It was such a big step for my little miss who has only ever enjoyed my company.
The taxi pulled up and in she hopped. Nervous/excited eyes wondered out the window all the way there..
Once we got there we made our way to the waiting room where Nevaeh played with a few babies and explored the toy box in the corner. I sat there watching my youngest play politely by herself and realized that I myself didn't feel like I wanted to let her go. She was still my baby and if I had it my way she would never fly the coop. Before any more thoughts came to mind, Bernadette, the EMS early learning coordinator I had met previously came in to welcome us and show us around. Nevaeh packed up and excitedly followed Bernadette to her 'would be' room.
Nevaeh walked in the door, then turned around and walked straight back out again. "What?" I asked her.. "I'm too scared Mummy, I don't want to go in there". My big brave girl was overwhelmed. It was almost like the little girl we all knew and loved had left her body. The little girl who knew all our neighbors names by heart had simply disappeared. Bernadette took her into the three your old room for a while and just found us a corner to sit as the rest of the kids played. She quite contently played alone before a few little ones came to ask her name and introduced themselves. Nevaeh was feeling more confident and after 10 minutes we walked into the 4yo room again.
This time, Nevaeh shouted with all her might.. "HOSANNA!" Before hugging her curly haired besty.
This gorgeous little girl Nevaeh has grown up along side with was also in her class and it didn't take long for Hosanna to show her around, introduce her to friends and play with her. "You can go now Mum" she said to me after a while. It was great to see her having fun and being looked after by her friend. I just know she is going to have a marvelous first year of Kinder next term. She has been asking to go back every few days since the visit.
Monday, 1 July 2013
1 lrg chicken breast
half a red capsicum
handful or mor of green beans
tablespoon of oil
half a cup of cashews
KanTong chicken and cashew nut packet.
- Put the rice on.
- Chop onion and capsicum and set aside.
- Chop chicken breast into pieces.
- Heat oil in a pan (medium heat) and brown off your chicken pieces.
- Add capsicum, beans and onion.
- Stir in packet of KanTong sauce.
- Stir in cashew nuts at the end.
And the result.. Amazing!