Monday, 1 January 2018


Thankfully yesterday was the end of a really rough year for me. I endured more heartbreak last year than all 29 years on this earth. But with that 2017 also showed me who my true friends are, who deserves my time and who I can really rely on in times of need. 2017 had me laughing and crying constantly. It had me questioning everything and hoping and praying and leaning on God for wisdom. We celebrated a 10th birthday in style, two grand finalists, three great getaways, countless nights out, two graduations, one MVP award, one principal award, a new car, a puppy, connecting with culture, new friends, a brand new church building and a very merry Christmas. We worshipped together, ate together, laughed together, swam together, cooked together, watched movies together, cried together, stood together, worked together and stayed together. 

This year I hope we can do all that and more because this year I'm believing for more. I'm asking God to bless us in more ways than one. 

This year we are going to be asking the lord for an extension on our home, a perfect 16th for my eldest niece, a smooth transition into school and high school for my middle and youngest niece, help with organising many community projects this year, two 13th birthday party's an enrolment into uni and quite possibly a good job opportunity. I also hope that at this time next year we still have the health and happiness we have now. That we are still together and moving forward as a family.

What are your hopes and dreams for this brand new year?

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Monday, 27 November 2017

Nevaehs First Camp

So you may have seen me post this photo on my social media pages today asking who in our family went on camp this morning. The answer was Nevaeh! 

This is Nevaehs very first camp and first night away from both Mum and/or Dad. 

Packing her bag last night with her she double checked to make sure she had everything off her list and gave two ticks to each item! She was so excited but this morning she was full of nerves. "Mum, I have butterflies" she said to me as we waited for the buses to arrive. "You'll be fine, just think of it as an excursion, and because you're having so much fun you get to stay the night!" She repeated that to a friend who was feeling sad too and together they boarded the bus.  

Her brother stayed with her the whole time. Putting his arm around her a few times when he sensed that she was getting nervous. When it was time to say goodbye, she said goodbye to Jie, and he replied "It's not goodbye Nevaeh, its see ya tomorrow" and he waved as he jogged to assembly. (I couldn't ask for a more loving brother than that for her).

So off she went, on her own little adventure. She comes home tomorrow and I can't wait for her to fill the house again. It's been so quiet and boring without her here. 

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Friday, 24 November 2017

Justine's 6th Birthday

Justine has just celebrated her 6th birthday and her 3rd birthday with us.

Celebrating Justine today was truly a treasure. It doesn't take much to make her smile as we have found that her love language is "new things" and of course, on our birthdays we get new things so she was the happiest girl in the world. For her birthday she received a toy box which was filled with toys for her birthday. Not just a few toys but a lot of neat new things to play with.

She spent the morning playing with the toys from her toy box with Nevaeh before Kindergarten. She asked for her peers and teachers not to sing happy birthday to her but to make the day even more special, it was also her teachers birthday too.

After Kindergarten and school we met up with a few family friends and one of Justines friends at McDonalds for a play. She got absolutely spoiled with shopkins and dolls and crafts and a pram and doll carrier from her friends. As we all sung happy birthday to her she sat behind her cake grinning ear to ear. I softly told her to blow out her candles after we stopped singing and she did so with ease. Such a special afternoon for our special little girl.

A few days after her birthday she received a 50 dollar gift card in the mail from her Poppy Sam to which she spent on more dolls and two little Hatchimal Eggs.

Before bed on the night of her birthday she come and gave me a kiss and hug just as she always does but this time it was followed with "This was my best birthday ever!" as she skipped off to bed. When I checked on her later she was cuddling her toy with her new purse beside her pillow. 

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Save 10,000, Get my Drivers Licence and Own a Car

So this blog post has taken me a long time to write but I accomplished 3 things from my bucket list back in February this year!

While I was booking countless driving lessons with my driving instructor Sarah, I was also putting money away to save for a car. As my confidence behind the wheel grew, so did my bank account. I was budgeting and at the time the kids weren't involved in sports or extracurricular activities after school so saving seemed to be a piece of cake. Two months before I went for my test I had saved 10,000 for a family car. Being that it was December I did spurge a little on making Christmas fun for us all so by the time I went for my licence I was down to 8,000 to buy our first car with.

My best friend Carmen's partner Tez came with me only a few days after I got my P's to help me look at a few cars. I didn't know what I was looking for in particular but I had my eye either on a Hiace or a Kia Grand Carnival.

I had finally found the (family) car of my dreams! It was a Gold Kia Grand Carnival 2010. It was at a car yard, had low Ks and had a  month registration on it. When I had a closer looked there was no looking back, I had to have this car. The only problem was that it was 400 dollars over my budget and the guy selling it wouldn't budge. He told me I wouldn't find another car like it for cheaper, and that 8,400 was as low as he could go. I was forced to walk away. Daylight was running out this Saturday and so was my hope in finding a car. I remember praying for the Lord to take control, and if it was His will for me not to have a car yet than I was okay with that too. But honestly. I really wanted to be able to drive the kids to Church the following day. That was what I set out to do. So I jumped onto a car sales app in between checking out the car yards and found a similar car to the one we just looked at. This one was 8800 with even lower Ks and 12 month rego. It was through a private seller so I decided to call him. I organised to meet him at a McDonalds car park so Tez and I could look at the car. It was great! But still I knew I only had 8000 to spend. I started negotiating but it seemed to be no use. I begged him and told him that this car wasn't a "want". I "needed" this car. The man wouldn't budge. Again I was forced to walk away but this time I was in tears. I really thought I could talk him down. But just as we went to get in the car to leave, he comes over to us and tells me he would give it to me for 8400 if I paid cash today. While that was really generous I just didnt have the money. I wish I did. I scrolled through my phone and saw a friend whom I knew had been saving. I knew she wouldn't need her saved money for at least a few months so I called her. Desperately asking through tears she loaned me 400 and we finally dealt on the car.

I had a car!

I put the P plates up in the windows there and then and drove behind Tez all the way home just 3 days after passing my test.

And as promised, we went to church the following day!

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Friday, 17 November 2017

Mums Passing

This year has been the worst year in my life. In February my mother passed away from a drug overdose in her unit in Carlton, Victoria. I was notified by police the day after she was found. During this time, my family and my sister didn't involve me and my brother in the plans for her funeral and when my mothers cousin notified us both that Mum was to be cremated my brother and I were so angry. We could never agree to that knowing what we knew about Mum and her fear of fire. It was so hard to fathom how my sister, a drug addict and my Aunt, who had a life intervention order on my mother and hadn't spoken to her in over 20 years could burn her when it was totally against who she was. I struggle to this day to understand this. Long story short, Mum was cremated in Traralgon on the 16th of March 19 days after she passed away. My sister agreed to have an autopsy; which I think was unnecessary as it was quite clearly an overdose and when I received a copy of the coroners report and found out more than what I needed to know about my Mum. It was painful. My brother and I met with police in Melbourne to write a eulogy about Mums life. That was Hard too. But the hardest of all was going to Mum's unit. It took so much strength just to walk through the door for me. It was a small one bedroom unit with two small windows. It was hot and muggy and full of what was left of my mother. The first thing I noticed as I walked in was her coat rack. Full of the most outrages coat. It made me smile. To the right was her bathroom/ laundry and it was very cluttered with clothes, buckets and cleaning/beauty products. I looked up to find that I was looking at a mirror that my mother would have used to reflect herself every day and that again made me emotional. I broke down and my brother caught me. I pulled myself together and skipped what I saw to be her bedroom. I went through to the lounge room and my Mum seemed to love Aloe Vera. In her lounge room were two arm chairs, a bean bag, a small tv unit, a side cupboard, a toy box and a round table just to the left with three large Aloe Vera plants and a few small succulents. My Mum must have tended to them daily to grow so large. Another thing I noticed and sort of frowned upon was the graffiti on her wall. In the moment I was embarrassed I guess. The man who accompanied us through the unit didn't seem surprised or shocked so I guessed he must have seen it all before. For me it was like my Mum who once taught me to respect people and property didn't uphold that in her final months of life. I turned around and on her kitchen table were make up, a few different jewelrey holders which hung second hand jewelry, mirrors, ash trays, lotions, knick knacks, lighters etc. 

These are some photos from Mums unit.

Mum's bedroom was by far the hardest. I left that until last. Mum was found in her bedroom and treated by ambulance beside her bed so everything she was wearing was still there on the floor as I walked in. The Jewelry and her size 6 (Yes! She was a size 6) shorts she had worn were the most signification. I just cried. 

The man who was with us left soon after and my brother and I had to go through the unit for anything of importance. I placed her jewelry, make up and beauty products in her handbag as they were the most sentimental for me and the kids. As I looked around I was just thinking about what each of the kids would have liked to have. I found Essendon Memorabilia and so grabbed that for Jeanette and I found salt rocks which Jie still keeps beside his bed today. I grabbed a few blankets, her perfume, some books/paperwork and Mums diary's. 

Sister (right) Mum (left)
Mum didn't have much, but through reading her diarys and notebooks she shared her heart and her home with others who lived just as rough as she did. Other street people would pop in and sketch things and write on her wall or fridge. So while at first I saw her wall as being embarrassing I guess it bought comfort to Mum and showed me that she was happy. Living her life with friends, listening to Madonna and having a good time. 

To understand more about my Mum and my relationship please read here.. or write "Mum" in the search bar in the top left hand corner of this page.

Although I still find myself crying in the car when hearing a song that reminds me of her, or when I smell her scent, Mum always told us that she would die with a needle in her arm. 
And she did..

And I have come to accept that it was her choice, and that's okay.

I just wish I had more time with her.

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